I saw man today walk up to a cash machine clearly displaying an error message on its screen. But he simply tried to put his card anyway without even registering anything on the screen, only realising when the machine rejected his card. I thought of him as automaton.
Another example, I read part of a blog today of someone I dislike quite a lot. I read it because I am curious and in a self flagilation kind of way it gives me pain to read what she has to say about her view on the world because she obviously doesnt see it in the same way as others. She wrote about someone questioning her level of education. The reason was as she wrote, that the other person thought she had a chip on her shoulder. She thought is wasnt her at fault but him and proceeded to slight him by writing further criticisms of him in her blog. She cant see, despite writing the conversation down in her blog, that maybe she does have a problem that cant be solved by being signed off long term sick. She has terminal potato chips, but there's no cure for that. Not while she cant actually see it. Blindness.
But no. Blind people see more clearly. They feel it.
I rode to work through london a different route each day this week from the train station, no idea if I was taking the best roads, I just followed my nose. Always end up in the place I want to be.
I need to feel im not becoming a part of the machine, the human conveyor belt. Or if I am already part of it, I need to know that I can get off for a look around sometimes. What struck me was how interesting it is to cycle around london streets. Particularly the City. If we raise our gaze, the architecture is music to the eyes.
After almost a year of getting up, going to work, getting home and going to bed, I feel like ive been stuck in some sort of creative blackhole. Noone can feel productive in a thoughtful creative and unique way living a life of mechanical precision.
There needs to be a bit of niggly randomness chucked into the blender.
Where does this leave my own insight? Im sure I can see quite clearly what I need to do, my problem is that im averting my eyes and looking away, not wanting to face it.
Its a case of seeing but not looking. Which is almost the same thing as the post title but not quite.
If only I could focus on one thing at a time, I might see the light.
Or I might get varekai back in the water by easter?
The plan? Im pinning to-do lists in various places all around the boat.
Find a willing fibreglass expert to reglass the p-bracket.
Order and fit new cutlass bearing
Fit new prop shaft
Fit new anode
Order and Fit new skin fittings and ball valves.
Drop rudder and fit new bearings
Clean and scrape the hull
Paint with fresh antifoul
Fit new windows
Fit new hatch glass
Make new canvas cover for winchbar
Repair main sail and jib
Wash all running rigging
Re grease and lubricate all winches and pulleys.
But im sure I will find a way to not look at each note stuck in such a way to be right under my nose. Because if I look at them, I will see that evidentaly I am rather lazy and find any excuse to be occupied with something, anything else instead.